Sunday, September 27, 2009

Making Contact


This week was about making contact with the world of Boulder outside of my daily routine of classes and survival. I opened up a bit to discover some new people.

Chatting on-line last Sunday I chatted with a guy who is 34 and a doctor. He expressed mutual interest and we decided to aim for a get together on Wednesday night. When Wednesday night came around I was feeling cozy in my apartment while making dinner and not up to entertaining a new person. But, he called and was driving back to Denver passing by Boulder. I had three minutes to make a decision before he was past the Exit for Boulder on the freeway. In that three minutes I felt compelled to invite him over for his tenacity and directness. Thankfully I did. He was a good person to meet and helped to broaden my perspective on my life in the Boulder/Denver area.

Also, on Wednesday, I got my haircut for the first time since the end of July when I said a sad good-bye to my hairstylist, Preston, in the City. I had walked by this one salon on Pearl St., the trendy walking mall around the corner from me, and had a vibe about it. I went in and the gay boy at the counter checked me in and gave me a haircut. It was a decent experience. He's not Preston, but he did do a nice cut and told me how he was excited for the weekend to go to Vegas to see Britney Spears. I giggled internally.

On Thursday, Judy Shepard, mother of Matthew Shepard, came to the Boulder Bookstore to present her new book on Matthew. It was a nice event to hear her speak a little, reflect on Matthew, and the work she is engaged in for GLBT folks. I do have to say I found her message to be a little trite-I know probably effective for straight, unaware people to hear from a straight woman and mom of a murdered gay child, but I felt a little challenged that my life as a gay person gets condensed into a sound bite like message...the whole "we are no different than anyone else". Well, yes, and no. But, I still appreciate her commitment and exposure.

On Saturday, I went to a GLBT History of Boulder Colloquium at CU. I rode up the hill and on a gorgeous day spent 4 hours inside listening to various community leaders talk about the past, present, and future of the GLBT community in Boulder. Quite a fascinating history! Boulder was the first municipality to elect an openly gay person to a public office-years before Harvey Milk. And a judge here gave five marriage licenses to same-sex partners back in the 1970s, and it doesn't sound like it was repealed. WOW! Go Boulder! Of course, there have been challenges and now that Boulder is a more trendy spot, i.e. expensive, the diversity demographic has changed-a lot more white and rich around here...sound familiar my San Francisco friends?

After the colloquium I went to the CU library to obtain a book by my previous professor at Pacifica so I can finish my last paper and complete my M.A. in Mythology. Then, I rode my bike to the reception for the GLBT colloquium-mainly I wanted free food-but meeting new people was also part of it. And I did just that. I met a guy name Jim who has a Ph.D. in Literature from CU and teaches an LGBT class at CU and works an administrative position. I was impressed that we made such a great connection talking about mythology, writing, art, and history. We exchanged information and I'm looking forward to our dinner in Denver this upcoming Saturday.

On Sunday, I took Onye's Afro Modern class again-again, GREAT! My toes survived and are toughening up again. Basically, I am learning a lot about flexion in my movement classes and in Onye's class, countering all that extension from my ballet training. My body is saying YES to flexion.

Classes remain challenging on many levels, but I'm staying open and learning to keep throwing myself into the work in various ways. Our ensemble ebbs and flows...we expand and contract depending upon the emotions, the challenges, and the exhaustion. But, I think we are finding our groove the best we can.

And the weather this weekend was gorgeous-just a tease as we slide into Fall...in the 50s today...thankfully Pumpkin Spice Lattes are back!

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Family




This week I discovered a valuable lesson about being in an Ensemble: it is family. And just like family you either communicate and negotiate, or you blame and fracture. The honeymoon period is over for my class and we had to face some of the growing concerns and challenges of being in a new ensemble, in a new environment, and a new program. In the foreign experience how do we find commonality? We find it in our shared experiences of the process. And we also find our own space. I am thankful for my "cozy" studio apartment. Attached is a picture of the view outside of my kitchen window to the cute courtyard behind my place. It makes me smile to see that view-rather than the cars and noise of Potrero Ave. in San Francisco.

The weather is starting to turn here. Nothing major, yet, but the temperature is getting a little cooler, from mid-80s to high-70s or low-80s. And rain in the on the way. Chill out all you Californians who keep mentioning snow to me. It is still too early for that. But, I have my winter boots ready!

This week a classmate of mine also introduced me to a bike path that I have been enjoying after classes. It is a nice back way off of the main street that provides some great vegetation and gorgeous views of the mountains. Pictures are attached of the bike path.

On Friday we had a Salon at the home of some of our classmates. I presented a reading of my academic paper on the life of Naropa and Yeshe Tsogyal-both Buddhist saints. It was an interesting experience sharing insight about the namesake of our school to a crowd more focused on performance. But maybe some of what I had to share sunk in among the frivolity.

And today, Sunday, I took a great class in Afro Modern dance with Onye Ozuzu. Onye teaches at CU and I hear crosses over to our MFA program at times. I have never taken an African dance class, but I was surprised on how I was able to keep up and enjoy the movement. I think taking classes with Robert Moses and also getting some Cuban Salsa lessons from Oscar and Kat helped my hips to know how to move outside of a strict ballet or modern technique. My toes got ripped up from the dancing, but it was absolutely worth it!

Below is a short reflection paper I wrote for my Meditation class. I thought it was appropriate to share here to reflect my experience in Boulder:

Perceiving Vastness

But it is possible to go beyond personal interpretation, to let vastness into our hearts through the medium of perception. We always have a choice: we can limit our perception so that we close off vastness, or we can allow vastness to touch us. (Shambhala, Chogyam Trungpa, 108)

The past month of my life has been an experience of opening up to vastness through perception. I moved to Boulder from San Francisco with not only my luggage of clothes but with my baggage of perception. I have a California perspective, more specifically, I have a San Francisco Bay Area perspective. Within this Bay Area perception of the world vastness does exist as it relates to race, culture, gender, sexuality, and politics. Coming to Boulder I have struggled to maintain my perceptions of the world as a person of the Bay Area. But what good is it to come to another location and hold onto an enclosed perception, despite its vast appearance, and not gain a new perception of the world?

Nature has challenged my preconceived perception. I now have magnificent mountains to expand my vision. On my third day in Boulder, my new classmate and acquired friend, Kelly, took me to the top of the Continental Divide. At 13,000 feet how could my perception of the world stay static? I came in contact with the vastness of the land and sky from an eagle’s perception of the world. My life on the physical plane was reaching new heights.

The people on the journey have been expanding my perception as well. Kelly’s welcoming of a stranger into her new home without any hesitation challenged my perception of friendship based on trials, schedules, and convenience. Throughout my first weekend I only experienced graciousness, caring, and understanding from a person who days before I didn’t know. Clinging to my old perceptions of friendship would have found me lying in my barren studio apartment depressed in my new home with no personal interaction. Vastness of perception was gladly welcomed.

Now the reason for coming here, the performance training, is shattering my body’s ingrained patterns of perception. Lying on the floor and learning to crawl again, hearing my voice outside of it’s normal range of sound, challenging my body to access emotion while doing acrobatic skills familiar to me since childhood, expand my vision of perception of who I am in the world as an established and developing artist and human being. Holding onto the past perceptions of my familiar patterns and comfort zone of knowledge will only hamper my growth. Vastness will expand my understanding and commitment to the growth I am seeking in this new land. I may not see the end point, and thankfully so. If my perception was clear on the goal then why go on the journey or why dream? Vastness of perception expands the field of vision to broaden the possibilities ever unfolding in life.


Sunday, September 13, 2009

Natural Pathways






It has officially been a month since I arrived in Boulder. I am realizing that it is going to take a lot more time to settle into a life here.

Classes this week, again, challenging, demanding, exhausting, fun, exciting, energizing, and illuminating. This week's major lesson was in Ensemble. I am coming into a deeper understanding of working in an ensemble in a educational manner. I have been learning how to open up to and support other people's learning processes and how this dynamic informs my education as a potential teacher.

I appreciate encountering everyone's way of struggling with the material, the exercises, and the newness of our lives. Our cohesion as a group, although at a beginning phase, is definitely becoming stronger and allowing us to risk. In our own ways we are struggling with the unknown elements of the training and our attachments to talent, expectation, and form. The approach we are going through isn't rational nor standard. Various experimental elements are being presented to us, and we have to choose to give over to the experiment or remain rigid in our comfort zones.

All of this on top of still trying to find my way here in Boulder. Slowly, I can feel myself letting go of my San Francisco life and routine, and shifting to a new routine and life here. Saturday was Boulder Pride. A cute event. Unfortunately, the weather decided to be rainy and cold. The first day it was actually cold! I sat at the Naropa table with my classmate, Tim, to pass out information. Later that night, there was a dance party at one of the local bars. There are no gay bars in Boulder, so it was nice to have at least one night where the gays could convene. I had a fun time and met two past alumni of my program who live in the area and promised to take me out in Denver.

On Sunday, despite my better judgment to go grocery shopping, I gave into the enticing offer to join two of my classmates on a hike. We went on a great hike that is very close to where I live. Living so close to natural beauty, I have to take advantage of it. Groceries are constant. As we reached the top of the foothill we were climbing, it started to rain, thunder, and lighting. Climbing down the other side was a test in patience and stumbling. I felt more apart of this place than staying on the regular routine of life. It was great to see so many people out hiking and enjoying nature.

Monday, September 7, 2009

Breaking Down To Come To Now







What? This past week was the first real week of training? When our voice teacher, Ethie, pointed out on Friday that we made it through the first real week of training, I shuddered with exhaustion. I also felt a relief. Right, all the struggle in the past week has also been about trying to become familiar with a new schedule, new demands, and some form of a routine. My week was also a little off since my bike had a flat tire from Tuesday afternoon till Saturday. My bike is now fixed thanks to my classmate, Martha, who taught me how to fix a flat.

Overall the training is PHYSICAL! In Acting class we learned physical approaches to accessing emotion that incorporated some acrobatic skills to test our sense of risk and fear. I enjoyed the acrobatics since I have a gymnastics background and a dance background. Many of my classmates found this to be challenging, exhausting, and unsettling. By the end of the week, all of our bodies were sore from tossing ourselves around and struggling to find our edge or move beyond our edge. I found a moment of struggle and risk as I attempted to flip myself over using the wall to walk my feet up and flip over my hands.

In our Developmental Technique class we continued to breakdown and analyze our movement patterns. In Voice class we continued to break down our vocal instrument into a variety of sounds and strip away our conscious assessment of voice and sound. We also started doing vocalizations with a piano-which for me was exciting to touch base with my singing voice again-it wasn't a singing class per se, but it was great to vocalize to pitch.

On Thursday, we had Meditation class. Amidst all this breaking down of our physical, vocal, and conceptual approaches to performance and our being, we had to sit with ourselves. WHAT? Not that!!! It was shocking to experience what came up during this hour and forty-five minute class. In some ways I see this class as a chance to put ourselves back together again, or to be present to all the challenges, or just breathe through it all.

On Saturday, I went to ballet class at Boulder Ballet. I'm not in San Francisco any longer. The class was very ballet academy, but with strong technique. I was in class with mostly teenagers and a couple of adults. I was considering going to an Intermediate class to start myself on the ballet schedule again, but I woke up too late. I took the Advance ballet class and thankfully I did, I was able to watch the ending of Intermediate class and I think I would have been bored to tears. The Advanced class was good technique, but not very dancy. And class was taught with recorded music-not a live pianist (sniff, sniff). I realize how spoiled I have been in San Francisco. There may be some performance opportunities with Boulder Ballet as the teacher expressed interest after class. We'll see what my schedule and body allows.

On Sunday, my classmates Kelly and Tim and me went to Denver for A Taste of Colorado. A three-day food festival in downtown Denver. We had a great time! It lightly rained on us during our eating. I am still getting used to the light rain that happens midday around here. I have no real perspective on Denver though. What I saw seemed nice. I'm trying not to be a San Francisco snob, so I will need to explore Denver more in-depth before I can pass a judgment.

I do have to include a great tour of Boulder given by a man name Bill, whom I met on-line. I first met Bill last Saturday when he invited me out to meet him and ten of his friends/co-workers at a Mexican Restaurant down the street from me which serves great Margaritas. It was a fun night of hearing about the exploits and trials of Middle School teachers. Bill offered to give me a grand tour of Boulder, including taking me to Mork and Mindy's house (the house in the picture above). Bill spent two hours driving me around Boulder, taking me high and low to give me the lay of the land. I was truly impressed by such generosity and kindness.

I am learning everyday to give over to this experience. My life is different. I do not live in a city anymore. I do not have a car to get to a city. I have a bicycle. I luckily live close to many shops and attractions. But this life isn't about spectacular entertainment or clubbing or appearance. It is about being sweaty, sore, tired, raw, exposed, and sensitive in order to open up to new parts of myself. I can't hide in the usual manner. I have to stay present and live now.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Getting into the Groove





The first week of training was amazing and intense.

On Monday, I rode my bike to campus to begin my daily routine of riding to campus each day, or at least until the weather turns cold and windy. It is a twenty minute ride to campus and a good morning and afternoon workout. Each day is warm and I'm relishing the absence of a jacket in my daily routine!

Monday was a day for general introductions among classmates, the second year students, the faculty and staff of my program. I felt more at home when I heard the histories of the faculty whose investment in performance spans various approaches and pathways in living a life dedicated to artistic exploration.

On Tuesday, all of the first year students, including myself, presented a 10 minute introduction piece about ourselves and the type of artistic work we have been involved in before Naropa. I presented my monologue with movement from my piece The Presence of an Absence that I premiered in April of this year. I then had five minutes to give a brief history of my performance background that has led me to Naropa. Seeing the work of my fellow classmates and hearing their stories revealed a variety of intentions and commitments to the investment in art and to the next two years of study and training. We all have similarities and differences that will spark a variety of responses and approaches to the work, thank God we don't do this work in isolation. I look forward to being stimulated and challenged by my twelve classmates and supported by a committed faculty and a contemplative atmosphere.

Wednesday morning my class met at a coffee shop in North Boulder to carpool up to a hiking trail and be led by our Acting teacher Steve on a trip called "Going to the Mountain." This trip provided an amazing opportunity in the natural landscape of Boulder to engage with each other and our own experience in embracing our new home and life. We climbed the "mountain" in silence and at times Steve rang a bell to initiate walking slowly, and he would ring it again to walk at normal pace. This exercise allowed us to meet the natural environment we were entering and not to just disregard it as a backdrop to our conversations. At one point before the top, we found a personal private space to do whatever we needed in relationship to the landscape, again in silence. The last part of the trek up the mountain was on our own and we could get there in our own way-run, walk, walk slowly, however, but we had ten minutes to get to the top. At the top we then had partners and one person closed their eyes and the other led the blind partner around the top and gave then a sensory experience-brushing twigs on them, placing rocks in their hands, etc. Lastly, when we got to the bottom again, we set up our little picnic-each one of us brought food-and half of us sat down at a picnic table with the others standing behind a person. The ones sitting closed their eyes, and the ones standing slowly fed the ones sitting down. It was a sensual and tasty experience. When you close your eyes and can't control what you put in your mouth you experience food so differently. You actually taste your food! And it is very intimate. I think any intimate relationship should try this exercise to reconnect with sensuality.

After the Mountain trip, was the official convocation for Naropa and that was nice to attend, even if we had to listen to it on a loud speaker out on the lawn. We ended the day in Meditation Practicum with Barbara Dilley. Barbara's presence and teaching was so calming and centering. Barbara danced with Merce Cunningham's company in the 60s and has been at Naropa since its inception. I am grateful that she participates in our program and is leading us in understanding meditation. What a wonderful compliment to all the physical activity we do in this program. We can learn to be mindful about the work, too!

Thursday began the real class structure. In the morning we had Developmental Technique class with our director Wendell. This class is based in Body-Mind Centering approaches to body analysis and repatterning. Basically we learn to crawl and roll on the floor to assess our movement patterns and learn the fundamentals of movement babies go through to learn to walk. I have a lot more respect for babies now-they are processing and building strength all the time to finally walk someday-no wonder they are always sleeping, it is exhausting work!

We then had Voice class with Ethie. She has a wonderful spirit and bases her approach to the voice in Roy Hart Theatre technique. Again, we were on the floor making a variety of noises and exploring the beginnings of our vocal instrument.

And then we had Acting class. Again, more floor work, but with partner work and physical weight sharing and experiential connection with the body.

Basically, we are retraining. Stripping away all the preconceived ideas and knowledge from past trainings and starting fresh to stay open to new approaches.

By the weekend I was tuckered out! I hoped to go to a ballet class, but after all that physical engagement and riding my bike to class almost everyday, my body was done. But I feel very alive in this exhaustion. And I can see on our schedule that it is only going to get more intense. I am trying to maintain a healthy diet, but I haven't figured out my grocery shopping routine, yet, nor what types of meals are best to make.

Now I put a call out to all of those reading this-if you've gotten this far!-please send me any recipes you have of good dishes that can last a couple of meals. Or that you love to take with you to work for lunch. I need some good lunch ideas, as there is nothing close by to our campus-and besides, I can't afford to eat out. Send some of your favorite dishes my way, please!

After two weeks here, I feel that I am settling into some kind of routine and becoming more familiar with Boulder-thanks to my bike! Unfortunately, I found that I have a flat tire as I attempted to ride my bike back from school today. So I left the bike on campus and will pump it up tomorrow. I took the bus home for the first time here. All I have to do is get on the Jump! It's all just a Hop, Skip, and a Jump around here.